It is easy to become Jaded.

Have you ever had that friend who, no matter how much you loved them, seemed to step all over you at times? No matter how much you tried to show them how much you loved them, or how much influence they held in your lives, it always seemed like that particular friend always mistreated you or poked fun at certain aspects in your life that made you shut down emotionally, or even seek a way out of the relationship?

I know i have. One of my best friends has a tendency to just be himself and never apologize for anything. While we appreciate that sort of person for their honesty, there is a point when we seek approval above someone's honest opinion.

Today, i had a less-than congenial altercation with my friend. It was about this blog, of all things. It wasn't that I didn't want his honesty, but i wanted it without the acrimony. The argument didn't end too well i don't think, but i can tell you that now i sit at the crossroads between two decisions--forgiveness, or revenge?

Well, it is easy to become Jaded. I've pleaded with this friend to be more conscious of his vices and to be more understanding of my smallness. I can't say that he's been cooperative to that aspect. At the end of the altercation, i had decided that it probably be better to simply let the relationship fall by the wayside.

That decision lasted as long as it took to step into the shower, meditate, pray, and start preparing my coffee for my restless night.

A lot of times, i think about my relationship about God. More often than not, i could imagine God shaking me senseless because of things that I should being doing, and things that i shouldn't be doing. I'm really screwy when it comes down to it. I fight with those i love the most, it seems, and sometimes it's over the most trivial of things. However, i have noticed that with our friends, it always seems like the best ones are the ones that stick around through all of the issues that we deal with.

"So, Atticus, what do you do with that friend?"

Well, i will recall to my junior year. When i was speaking with this friend, i had tried to explain an issue to one of my friends. Because of my position as a christian who is seeking freedom from homosexuality, sometimes, the world becomes a very lonely place. I was trying to express this loneliness to my friend when he interrupted me to give his opinion. At a loss, i lost control. I suddenly started bawling my eyes out, right in front of him and the three other people in the room. I didn't instigate it, and i was shocked at how quickly the emotion had responded, and how little control i had over the situation.

God avidly seeks our attention. He knows our deepest pains, he sees our struggles, and he knows the dreams we have, and yet we can never give him the time of day it seems. We instead scoff at him, roll our eyes, and come up with excuses NOT to follow him, or his will. Sometimes, God feels like i felt that day. He get's so heartbroken over our tragedies and our loneliness, but he never thinks about leaving us.

And why?

As i began to regain some form of composure after about a minute or two, i noticed that My same friend who I had been butting heads with over the subject was standing there with an outstretched arm, a Sunny Delight bottle in his hands. Before i had understood what happened, he was already dusting off my emotions. He was nice, reflective, and helpful.

The reason that God hangs out with hard-headed people is because they have the greatest capacity of pleasing Him. He often uses the weaklings, the whiners, the proud and the ignorant because they often become the greatest success stories.

If you took an honest look at your life, you would see that God had a lot to talk about the way you lived your life: all the lies that you told, all the shortcuts and empty promises that you made. Only God could put up with it all, and yet, he asks the same of us, practicing grace and patience with those like us: the screw-ups and miss-outs on life.

So what do you do with that friend who doesn't always seem like a friend? Give thanks. It is easy to become Jaded, but it is much more rewarding to become Forgiving.