When i Pray, God's sitting on the bed, and he's listening to me Rant.

It's true.

I pace back and forth in front of the bed in my room, door closed, and i spill out what I'm feeling to the space on my bed where God would be sitting. It's an exercise I've been trying out for communicating to God.

I rationale for this exercise is to find a way to erase my perception that God is sitting on this throne chair, and i have to approach him like a king. Not to disrespect God in anyway, but it simply rings too much like the citizens of the medieval times, and that image is fine when dealing with a distant God who takes no part in his subjects' daily lives. It's fine when the God is in the middle of the trials of Judgment, when he has to carry out the predestined punishment of those who rejected him. That's fine then.

But what about now? When people still need him? What about now, when those steeped in pain cry out for salvation? When those who act out in pain still mourn in silence, alone, and without friends? Do they need someone to sit on a throne to judge them further? When they have already judged themselves to be unfit for love, for friends, for happiness, for anything other than depression, pain, and endless self-torture, do they need a God who stands idly by as they spiral further and further into a dark, lifeless state?

Not according to my God.

"Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, For they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 5:3-10

This passage should come as an encouragement to some of you. This tells us that there is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, and that God isn't standing by while you suffer. If you mourn, he'll comfort you. If you practice mercy, mercy will come onto you. If you seek to establish and maintain peace, then you will see God. God doesn't like to see those in pain, but he hates more to leave them there. He's not a distant judge anymore than we need him to be. He knows what we need, and he can be it all.

When i start to talking to God, it helps to imagine him as a faceless friend who listens to everything that you have to say with concern and seemingly undivided attention. When i am reading the bible, i'm listening his anecdotes and stories and parables to take advice and understand in my current situation. Sometimes the advice is puzzling, sometimes straightforward, sometimes "not what we need to hear right now" but everything we need to live a Godly life. To establish a life where we can live thankfully for whatever situation we have.

To all my readers in Pain, over whatever it is, whether you believe in My God or not, know this: he hasn't changed his love for you at any point. It's always been the same doting and overwhelming love that puzzles, confuses, and scares us. I know that there are a multitude of reasons that you may have for not trust Him, but i can tell you that not one of those reasons can be explained after you at least give him a chance. Before you go to bed tonight, i want you to sit God down and get everything out in the open. Verbalize everything you've felt about him all this time. Unleash your fury or beg for forgiveness: God knows the intent behind them both. And he is faithful to you, dear reader; he wants you to prosper.

Vaya con Dios. Verdadmente.