Rejection Letters and Wedding Vows

Well... I should inform you that the confirmation of my rejection was emailed to me this morning. I'm no longer a student at the university.

I have to say that, as difficult as this is, I am not loosening my grip on God yet. This morning, I read John 14, and it talked about how he was not yet finished in his work with the disciples, but when he was, they would do great things for him. After I received the notice, I went to make good on a promise with my little brother to take him to see inception, and when I turned on the car, I heard a segment on Air1 talk about the same passage, and relay the same message to me, though it was not originally what i had gathered from the verses at the time.

Thinking about what I can learn about this... I've come with three lessons as a child of God: humility, patience, and faithfulness.

Humility-- I was very prideful when it came to my schooling. I wanted to take the hardest classes, and prove that I was leagues ahead of those who had better grades than I did. When upperclassmen told me they were going to a state college or a community college, I always looked down on them. Once, a series of alum who had finished their fall term came to visit a teacher, and I had asked them why they weren't studying or whether or not they had any assignments to complete. They told me they had no assignments to complete, and that they were no longer worried abotu classes now that finals were over.

I snickered, "That's while public universities are never as good as privates."

Yeah, I wasn't even subtle about it. In my mind, they seemed lesser than myself. When it came time for me to apply, and I had gotten into only two colleges, one public and one private, i almost immediately signed up for the private.

However, when it came time for financial aid, the public one gave me a MUCH better deal. I thought it meant that they were the one that wanted me more...

And then came the final transcript... My first semester, I took nine classes, and received six A's. One B, One C, and One F. Spanish. My second semester, I took Seven classes, and received four A's. One B, One C, and One F. Spanish. You've seen for yourself the letter I wrote as to why they had happened, and still, I wasn't good enough.

Now i'm stuck with the rest of the student body, dispersed amongst schools in the local area, with the people who didn't try in high school. With the people who i walked by, each and every day, looking down upon because I was so sure that I would be voting to have their welfare reduced, or abolished altogether, in the next few years.

It's one of the most irritating things in the world. But, my pride has cost me dearly in many ways, this last quirk of fate was merely set in place so that I can do something about it. I must lower myself. I must rid myself of the caste system of intellect, because it not only impaired me socially, but spiritually as well. It seemed the more religious an individual I met, the more I pitied them, viewing their devotion as merely "quaint".

Quote:

---

"He must become greater. I must become Less."
-John 3:30

---

Faithfulness & Patience--I've asked God "Why did I do all that work if you were going to simply turn it to naught?"

To give you an Idea of what I did, I'll refer back to my letter. I had an average of 8 hours of sleep to divy up during the week days. I was the captain of my mock trial team, and I was the lead in my school play. I volunteered at my local hospital, 3 hours a week, and I worked in the church cafe, also 3 hours a week. I attended bible study three times a week, Tuesday through Thursday. I got nearly all of my homework done, as well as went to the local college library to work on my extended essay, the role of developmental psychology in homosexual identity... something that caused frequent headaches and bouts of depression.

I even remember the time that I had pushed myself so hard, I passed out in that college library, in the psychology section, after going 40 hours on a half-hour of sleep, and I believe the last thing that I had consumed of substance was the white-chocolate mocha with eight shots of espresso the night before...

Looking back... Sometimes I think "Why did I work so hard? Why did miss prom, and every dance, and all but ONE football game, if all it meant was that I would end up staying HERE? Was it pointless?"

But, all I have to do, is think back. I only have to think about the importance of everything I learned. I have only to think about how it finally clicked that people who were scientists and writers, musicians and politicians, philosophers and linguists, didn't become great simply because it came natural to them. They saw a great need with the world. The saw what needed to be done, and they did what it took to do it.

I remember a line from what seemed to be a poem by Walt Whitman's "Pioneers!" that was recited for a Levi's Commercial. In research, I learned that it was abridged.

Quote:

---

Pioneers, O Pioneers!
Have you your pistols? Have you your pick-axes?
You, whom all the rest of the world depends?
Pioneers, O Pioneers?

---

I'm not sorry I did it. I'm not sorry it happened. I learned so much. About myself, about my capacity to do what is difficult, about my ability to maintain. I began to learn what school was all about, and I began to understand what a true student cared about.

I can only assume that this time will only show me more about Life, and why I am here. I cannot falter. I cannot miss a step. I cannot quit. I cannot give up.

This is the time I must use to further my talents. My mom and I have decided that, while I'm attending school, I'll be working on my book. My goal, is to complete it in a Year. I know the demand, but now, I know that IB was merely training for the big times. I will use my extra time to move closer to my goal, and I will apply once more, not to the school that revoked my admission, but to another school, hopefully, higher in rank, and I will never let that revocation haunt me.