Homecoming

"I'm coming Home,
I'm coming Home,
Tell the World I'm coming Home,
Let the rain,
Wash away,
All the pain of yesterday,
I know my Kingdom awaits,
And they've forgiven my mistakes,
I'm coming Home,
I'm coming Home,
Tell the World I'm coming Home."

The declaration of Skyler Grey does not belong to the female duo alone, nor to P. Diddy when he recorded the song. Nevertheless, those words announce a sunrise of Hope; a sunrise of Strength.

These past few weeks have been some of the most trying morally and physically. As I descend into the abyss, I have found no shortage of trials and deterrents as I seek passage to the furthest point of this journey: Spiritual Continuity.  Though, at this point, the journey isn't even close to its conclusion, I've learned much about myself... but I have wronged one of my other Spirits.

My Spirits are a God-send. All three have been entrusted to me for protection and expression. I have simply  been afraid to use all of them. I've doubted myself. I've devalued myself. I've got to bring myself back. I've got to continue.

“I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes-- It is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake then you forgive yourself and say, ‘well if I’d known better I’d done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that w never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”--Maya Angelou.

I'm sorry, God, for running from you. For retreating into the hypothetical and theoretical and philosophical and psychological in an attempt to escape from you. I'm sorry, Holy Spirit, for resisting you. For rattling against your grip, trying to drown you out with fallacious reasoning, trying to drive you out with acts of spite. I am sorry, Israel, for holding you back. For calling us stupid when you show yourself, for putting my hands over your lips when you want to speak what we all know, when only you had the courage to say and do it as it is.

Up to this point, I've not had a resolution for the new year. I have one now: to better utilize my Spirits hear on earth, to continue to push through the noise to my dreams, and to connect with the God here, now, before me, behind me, to my left and right... and Inside of me...

So, Diddy.... Take us Home :)